the beautiful struggle SOM

I chose this particular picture because I’m pretty sure these are the actual butterflies that have been stalking me at my house.

I’ve been living in this house for over two years, and the butterfly run-ins I’ve had seem to be a sign.

The first time it happened, a few weeks ago, it was a sunny morning. Our house faces the east, so it can be pretty bright and warm on the porch. I was doing a rather quotidian task, taking some trash out.

In the front of the house, we have plants that do attract butterflies. I’m not sure about the name of the plant. But the butterflies do flitter about amongst these bright salmon pink blooms that are directly in front of the porch. There are flowers all over, including purslane in flower boxes right on the porch. But they tend to hang out there.

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Purslane – where the butterflies hang out is further out.

When I came out and started walking along the porch, two butterflies basically came at my head while I was walking. This has never happened–butterflies on the porch. I throw out the trash and come back and they are still on the porch, hanging out waiting for me, hovering.

I started to think about what this meant. I knew it had to be loved ones who have passed–specifically: my grandmother, my mother’s mother, and my friend Charles.

When I really started to think about it, it really touched me. I don’t really have many paranormal or supernatural things happen to me, but those butterflies coming at me, when there was nothing else on the porch that would be attractive to them? It seemed more than coincidental.

It’s hasn’t been as dramatic since then, but I have seen them come close to me a few times. There have been two recent times I have seen these exact butterflies, waiting for me or passing by. The first time, I was coming back from buying groceries, getting my bags out of the car. Those pink blooms are parallel the driveway, and the butterflies hovered in the blooms, waiting for me. It was really sweet, to have entities waiting for me.

The other time that I can remember is today. An orange butterfly’s wing knocked on my window. They never get that close to my window. All sorts of bugs do, even birds (one took a big dump on my window in a way that meant they had to have clung to the screen). I see butterflies in the backyard, not even orange ones. I saw a beautiful swallowtail near our palm tree the other day. I see monarchs and those basic looking yellow butterflies flit and glide about all over.

This window knocking, though–it was really strange: watching the butterfly come directly toward the window and then knocking on it and then flying away.

Previously, before I had these kamikaze butterflies in my life, I saw signs like repeated numbers and other sort of synchronicities. The past couple of days, I’ve talked about and seen unicorns: in a tarot pull and in a GIF one right after each other. A friend, whom I called a unicorn, woke up clutching her crocheted unicorn.

I’m not sure what the signs mean right now. The link above means that I’m to know that I’m not alone. Sometimes, I dread signs. It means that I need them. I sometimes take them as bad omens.  Like, here: here’s this talisman to carry because shit’s about to get bad again.

I’d really like to hope that it’s just more that I don’t have anyone around that I see consistently. Soon it’ll be my massage therapist. But for now, it’s no one that I like. I almost am seeing them like my pets.

There’s also been a hawk that has come by a couple of times.

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My neighbor the hawk

That was back in June. This picture is more recent:


A neighborly visit in my neighbor’s backyard.


It seems it comes just so I can see it, and then it’ll swoop down, for food I imagine. It’s come before this summer, though. The last time I saw it was in October.

I’m not Snow White when it comes to animals, although for the most part, domestic animals like me. All these articles state that the hawk’s presence is about awareness, perspective, vision, discernment, and focus. According to Celtic mythology, the hawk is a messenger from “otherworlds” or the beyond. This could apply to so many things in my life, but it is a good and well-heeded sign.

But. To be honest, signs of any sort, even if I ask for them, kind of freak me out. I feel like I am not paying attention, that I’m doing something wrong, or that something will go wrong. Yet, at the same time, because my world is so small again sans car, I feel like these visitors are friends. While I fret that I’m in the wrong, I’m also comforted that these beautiful creatures take the time to come visit me, to be seen by me.

At the very least, I know that I am not physically alone. As I continue to find some financial stability so I can leave here and live in a more peaceable, comfortable place, it’s nice to know that while I am here, at least Mother Nature welcomes me and sends me these visitors as signs of encouragement and hope.

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3 thoughts on “visitors

  1. Pingback: a frog’s life 🐸 | sun opposite moon

  2. Pingback: welp, it’s a birthday listicle | sun opposite moon

  3. Pingback: Spirituality, The Ancestors, and Systemic Blocks to Success

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